((He's more or less been in hiding for the last couple of weeks...because he more or less saw everything falling apart around him, and he wasn't about to stick his neck out on the line for anyone. It wasn't his style...not really. He had taken a position in an organization and had acted out the part. Had smiled when he was suppose to, had cowered when he needed too, and had nodded like a fool. He had even convinced himself to allow himself to feel for another...to forget the force that drove him and focus instead on another.))

((It was almost his undoing...it was a mistake. In his experience there was no room for personal feelings or a true personal life outside of this sport. That's why two of his former family members had left the sport...they couldn't do this and that at the same time. So he found it all together curious that Jeffery Drake had returned to the sport. He assumed the only thing he could...that he finally saw Roe as the embarrassment that he had always known him to be. Not that it mattered anymore...at least not to him. He'd managed to close that chapter of his life awhile ago, and now he only had the sport to focus on.))

((No more alliances...no more surprises. He'd run across the beach, glide across the waters, crash into the canvas, taste his blood, and feel his sweat sting his eyes...this wasn't about them anymore. He refused to let it be. This was about him now.))

November: Don't begin to assume you know in what way I'm going to insult you...because you did a piss poor job of it. If I were to actually speak to someone in the manner you portrayed me...I'd slit my fucking wrist and put an end to my lameness. 

((Still he couldn't stop thinking about all of them. About spring vacation and the nights on the beach. And each memory brought forth another...weaving themselves into a tapestry of his life. And they were all there...staring back at him. It sent a shill down his spine thinking about it.))

You don't know me...and you don't know my mind. What I see in you goes beyond what I saw in Nova and Don Mega. I see you becoming a puppet and a joke on one level, and on a completely different level then your existing on now...I'm seeing you become a puppet and a joke. And you go...

"Huh?"

But trust me...two-months from now when you understand how this place works...you'll see what I'm talking about. You'll understand these levels, and then you'll really start to hate Shawn for what he's doing to you. And that hatred will ascend all kinds of levels. It's what he's best at, and he has no remorse in doing it. He's a self serving beast. He makes moves and decisions of convenience rather then maintaining a strong code of morals.

Meaning you can't trust the man's handshake.

((His heel turns slightly on the wet sand...he really should have worn shoes today, but he missed the feel of the powder beneath his bare feet. He out ran his fears on this beach. He fell down and cried on this beach. He wanted to die on this beach.))

But really Stanford...you need to get over yourself already. You're going on and on like everything's about you...everything's a conspiracy to get you. When in truth it's all about me, and the obvious reason why we're facing of on Friday is because...Shawn is punishing me for that one time when I stirred his drink and didn't shake it.

Of course there are only three-individuals...maybe four who understand the significance of that statement, and everyone else just doesn't matter. Because I'm a mean, bitter, person who hates anything new and unproven. I hated myself for a long time until I realized I mattered a lot more then I was giving myself credit for.

((He can't remember his first words, but he knows they aren't worth the effort to remember. Sometimes he can't remember why he calls himself November, and then his heart catches in his chest, and his breathing stops...and he remembers. The weight of it all makes him sink to his knees. And he can't escape the truth anymore...he's not doing this for him...he never was...))

Do you really want to know what I see in you that I hate the most, Ray? The thing I despise about you above pretty much all else? It's the fact that you won't go away. That you don't understand, in your stupidity, that nobody wants you here, and by that I mean...I don't want you here. I can't stomach listening to your drabble for another second longer. You don't deserve to be here. 

You're not good enough.

Maybe the AJWF has room for you...they seem to keep pretty low standards. So long as you can fill out an application you're in, and even then sometimes they make exceptions. But whatever. Go ahead and stay...Shawn needs his court jester.

((black...))