((Alive on the west coast.))

November: That's funny actually...you want to be noticed, and I'm still waiting to be noticed. I think some time back in ninety-seven I was handed a number, and was allowed to think that just maybe I might be something a little bit more. That I might have a little more significance in the grand scheme of things.

Then the years folded by one by one, like pages from some over used and stained novel. A novel I wasn't allowed to read.    

It seems you're privy to this latest chapter though...talk of three or four...I didn't even know there was one.

((I'm reaching back in time. Trying to hold onto this past. No...it isn't mine but you understand why I'm trying right?))

What I think many fail to realize is that I never said I was the next this, that, or the other thing. Although I do fit that mold almost perfectly. You know the mold I'm talking about right? The one that's recycled. Always duplicated but never replicated. Yeah, of course you do.

I never once claimed I was stepping ahead of the line. Never once. Never assumed I could second guess my Family. Because they still are my Family, and not just because I say but because it's blood is in my veins. 

I just want to make them smile. I wanted them to know that I could have been so much more. 

I'm sure at this point they're unhappy with me. We haven't talked much since...well since that night in California when we let down our guard for a few moments and let the west coast share our grief.

((It's what I've wanted forever. What I've wanted before others even realized what it was. I'm keeping those memories for myself.))

None of this should really matter to you though. You're just hear for the publicity...to make a name for yourself and secure that paycheck which will lead you to early retirement. Or maybe you're really not quite that shallow and you're here for something a little more? Maybe.

Maybe.

And that's really where it falls...I don't know who you are. I don't care enough to flip on the television and find out. I'm not look to dig deep and find your inner child...or find what drives you to be you.

No...I'm just looking to stop you from outshining me on this particular night and making Jeff smile.

Best of luck to you.

((Damn I wish I didn't care so much all the time. I wish I could just let go. But I'll play the fool...I can make that sacrifice for them.))